At 26 years old, I cry often. I’m not necessarily sensitive, I think student loans costing 65% of a yearly salary would make even the strongest adults upset. I think giving constant feedback to 20+ coaches/customers would leave any organized person feeling behind. I think everyone gets stressed about their problems and sometimes it’s too much to handle.
When I titled this blog, “Nobody Feels Bad For You”, I’m not implying that your friends don’t have empathy toward your problems. I’m not saying you or I don’t have people readily available to have your back in a time of need. What I mean to say, is that everyone is going through their own stuff, and your problems just aren’t that important to anyone else.
Let me explain.
Hearing about a friend losing a loved one is nothing like losing a loved one yourself. You can empathize momentarily– but your heart won’t allow you to associate that pain as your own for long. Within moments, your mind is back on your own problems.
When you hear of a person’s issues with finances, you immediately think about your own financial obligations. You’ll likely never actually focus on the weight of another person’s stress, because it made you think about your own. Why would you feel bad for someone going through the same thing you have to plan to resolve?
It’s human nature to focus on your own survival. We all understand! We also get that life typically gives us a balance of good & bad, and when you notice that life is going perfectly, something unexpected will go amiss. This is LIFE, and it happens to everyone, so, nobody really should feel that bad for you.
Getting wiser with age is really just an understanding of what you can or need to handle, using your past experience of planning, acting on thought-out decisions, and creating realistic expectations.
When I see a friend asking for personal donations on Twitter– usually for going-out money & covering minimal post-college bills– I have to bite my tongue not to reply that we all struggle with wanting and/or needing more money. I have to remember that these friends don’t yet understand the rule that nobody feels bad for you. Welcome to adulthood, where it is no adult’s job but your own to manage your funds and handle all of your self-brought-on or necessary obligations.
What I’d hope for in writing this blog post, is that we learn sooner, rather than later, to stop relying on others to fix our problems. As adults, we should be grateful for the sense of responsibility and wisdom that comes with each hardship.
I’d like to think that each struggle is an opportunity to grow and is actually meant to happen in your life. Your problems will teach you to be better in the future; whether in being better at planning ahead, controlling your reactions, or how to get out of a sticky situation that may come up again.
Everyone will experience loss. Almost EVERYONE has debt and isn’t handed the world upon conception. Everyone has their own bad stories that they save for the deepest of heart-to-heart conversations. Someone else will likely always have a life worse than your own.
With that being said, yeah, I cry a lot. Maybe more than other adults. I let things overwhelm me too often. But I understand that I’ll get through it and it’s nobody’s job but mine to do so. I will not ask for handouts. I will get through each obstacle and come out stronger!
Do yourself a favor and limit your requests for help, because it ultimately teaches you nothing.
*See a pretty pic below to balance out my not-so-pretty harsh truth.*